Drinking Fountainhead

First Written    Wed Oct 23 18:24:09 2024
File Modified    Mon Oct 20 04:11:13 2025
Latest Upload    Wed Oct 29 08:20:13 2025

All you can eat or drink, with one rule - no outside cups!

You may buy cups for five dollars each.

A poor or penny-pinching customer might get by with one cup, while most will opt for two or three cups.

With strategy and a willingness to improvise, a single cup can feed a family of four!

A rich man may buy a dozen cups, or invest in a gold-plated member's cup for a year's access to the fountains.

Prices

All offerings are considered "deals"!

* Nothing is truly free. Using the on-premise plumbing facilities without purchasing a cup reduces the Drinking Fountainhead's business fitness, preventing it from fairly competing on the national market at peak operating capacity. When markets are inefficient, we all pay the price.

Fountain Offerings

Beverages

1. Soda Water
2. Simple Syrup
3. Sarsaparilla Tonic
4. Gin (18+)
5. De-Alcoholized Vermouth
6. Black Tea
7. Sweetened Milk
8. Black Coffee
9. Cup-Lovers' Thin Chili
10. Onion Potato Soup

*Looking for ideas?*

• Use soda water and simple syrup to make a nice soft drink. Add sarsaparilla tonic to turn your drink into root beer!
• Make gin and tonic for mom, dry martini for dad, sweet milk for baby, and sweetened virgin martini for junior. Fun for the whole family!
• Use the HeatFountain camp stoves to thicken onion potato soup into mashed potatoes, then fry them with oil. Top your fried potato dough balls with chili and cheese for a chili cheese fries supreme!

Cheeseburger Menu

1. Liquid Dough
2. Mushroom Gravy
3. Pâté (Standard)
4. Pâté (Vegetarian Burger)
5. Egg Yolk
6. Cheese Spread
7. Pickled Garden Veggies Relish
8. Cooking Oil*
9. MnM (Mustard n' Mayo) Burger Sauce
10. Sweet Orange Curry Burger Sauce

*100% soybean, prairie sunflower, or rupertseed oil, or a mix of two but not all three oils.

Cup-Lovers' Classic Cheeseburger

1. Stock a HeatFountain camp stove with kerosene and half-fill pan with cooking oil
2. Fry two thick swirls of liquid dough for buns
3. Fry a patty using a half-cup of regular of vegetarian pâté
   • (Optional) For a savoury protein boost, coat your patty with mushroom gravy or egg, and give both buns an egg-wash before frying
4. (Optional) Spread one or both buns with burger sauce
5. (Optional) Top the patty with cheese spread and/or veggie relish
6. Place the second bun on top and enjoy

Vinaigrette Salad

1. Stock a HeatFountain camp stove with kerosene and lightly oil non-stick surface
2. Mix egg yolk, simple syrup, and de-alcoholized vermouth to make vinaigrette
3. Mix a 2-1 ratio of relish and liquid dough to make salad leaf dough
4. Bake thin pancakes of dough on HeatFountain non-stick surface
5. Serve "leaves" with fruit cocktail and top with vinaigrette
6. (Optional) Add Homemade at the Store Croutons for extra crunch

Mini-Doughnuts and Milk

1. Stock a HeatFountain camp stove with kerosene and fill pan with cooking oil
2. To make mini-doughnut dough with liquid dough and simple syrup
3. Pour dough into cooking oil in swirling motion to create toroids (donut shapes)
4. Deep fry until golden brown
5. Serve in a cup of sweetened milk and dust with hagelslag

Add-Ons and Desserts

1. HeatFountain Kerosene Fuel*
2. ColdFountain Liquid Nitrogen Gel*
3. Dairy-Free Custard Pudding
4. Hand Sanitizer*
5. Liquid After-Dinner Mint
6. 2-in-1 Outdoor Spray and Moisturizer*
7. Topical Lidocaine*
8. Fruit Cocktail
9. Hagelslag (Chocolate Sprinkles)
10. Spiced Herb Crouton Topping*

*Items 1-2, 4, and 6-7 are not meant for safe human consumption. Item 10 is not recommended for non-hyponatremic patrons to directly consume.

*Need ice? Use ColdFountain liquid nitrogen gel on the exterior of any cup to instantly create solid ice out of any water-based liquid.*

Frozen Milk

1. Half-fill a cup with ColdFountain freezing gel
2. Fill another cup with sweetened milk
3. (Optional) Add fruit cocktail, coffee, or cheese spread as filling
4. Stack the cup of milk within the cup of freezing gel
5. (Optional) Cover with a third cup to minimize spills
6. Shake until milk has solidified

Homemade at the Store Croutons

1. Stock a HeatFountain camp stove with kerosene and lightly oil non-stick surface
2. Mix liquid dough with onion potato soup
3. Poke holes in a cup to create a strainer
4. Stir in soda water and pickled relish into dough through strainer, discarding vegetable solids
5. Bake on HeatFountain non-stick surface until crisp
6. Crumble into crouton-sized chunks and cover with spiced herb crouton topping

Milk Plastic Kids' Toy

1. Stock a HeatFountain camp stove with kerosene and fill pan with sweetened milk
2. Heat the pan of milk until steaming
3. (Optional) Buy and use two cups to strain the juice from pickled vegetables
4. Add pickled vegetable juice (or whole vegetables) to steaming milk
5. (Optional) Add other fountain ingredients for fun colours and textures
6. Buy and use two cups to strain solids from pan contents
7. Mould pan contents into fun shapes and toys*

*To minimize choking risk, children and pets under the age of fifteen must be supervised when playing with milk plastic toys.

HeatFountain and ColdFountain Operation and Safety Tips

Before using a HeatFountain camp stove, purchase one (1) cup of safety spray. Failure to do so is considered a voluntary opt-in to our implicit no-fault liability waiver.

To extinguish fires, douse the HeatFountain with safety spray. Do not consume food or drink covered with safety spray.

Safety spray can also be used to neutralize odours and acids! Use hand sanitizer after using safety spray to neutralize biological waste.

Burns from both the HeatFountain and ColdFountain product lines can be treated with topical lidocaine to eliminate pain, and 2-in-1 outdoor spray and moisturizer to improve healing times.

Topical lidocaine can be used as an anaesthetic for emergency surgery. Purchased cups can be broken to create makeshift scalpels, and ceramic dust from the breaking process can be used to debride flesh.

Cups are not recommended for emergency tracheotomies. Use hand sanitizer before and after administering medical care.

In the event of a criminal invasion, both the HeatFountain and ColdFountain product lines may be used to modify an attacker's localized body temperature, causing cell death within affected areas. An attacker with a weapon can be neutralized by sufficiently damaging the myocytes in his or her dominant arm.

Children, elderly, the intoxicated, and the differently abled should exercise caution when operating the HeatFountain or ColdFountain product lines, performing medical care, or engaging in self-defence.